Having ADHD can be lonely.
Let’s face it, having ADHD can be hard. Sometimes it can feel like the loneliest thing in the world.
When you’ve forgotten where you put your keys for the third time this week. Or double-booked meetings because you forgot to write one down. Or when your house is a disaster because you can’t get yourself to clean it up.
It’s easy to beat yourself up for these things. And to blame yourself for these challenges, telling yourself that you’re: lazy, stupid, broken, the worst, a failure, and on and on. It can make it worse when you see others doing the things you can’t seem to get yourself to do. Especially when others seem to do them effortlessly. “Oh, you see something that needs to get done, and just do it? Wow, what’s that like?”
It can feel like you’re the only one who has these challenges.
You keep these things inside because you don’t want others to know or see your struggles. Putting on a persona and trying to keep up a perfect appearance for them. Hoping nobody will see through your defenses. Or realize how much of a mess you are on the inside. And even on the outside.
You don’t invite people over to your house because you don’t want them to see what it looks like. How disorganized you are. Or how you live out of a laundry basket because putting your clothes away is one too many steps then you’re able to manage sometimes.
So, you shut people out.
You keep people at arms distance because if you let them in, they just might crack your protective barrier. They might see what you’re trying so desperately to hide.
Or if you do let someone in and try to explain things to them, they just don’t get it. “Why can’t you just do it?” “Have you ever tried keeping a list?” “What if you just tried harder?”
All of this causes you to bottle up what you’re experiencing and keep it inside. You try to push through your struggles alone. All the while telling yourself what a mess you are and wonder what’s wrong with you.
Which can make it feel like your ADHD struggles are character flaws.
You don’t stop to think that these challenges are because of your ADHD. Or if you do, you think that you’re the only one who can’t seem to get it together. The only one who can’t figure out your ADHD enough to become a functioning adult.
You think that there’s something wrong with you. And nobody else in the world can understand what it’s like. You feel isolated and like you’re stranded alone on an island. Without the proper tools to do anything. And with nowhere to go or no one to ask for help.
So, you shut people out more.
By internalizing your challenges and not letting others in, you separate yourself from everyone else. You bury yourself in shame and further break down your self-esteem.
Eventually, you can begin to isolate yourself from everyone. Because it’s too exhausting and takes too much work to put on the façade all the time, just to interact with others.
But, you’re not alone!
A lot of adults with ADHD feel this way. Especially those who have recently been diagnosed or diagnosed as adults.
When you hold things in and don’t share them with others, it actually hurts you more than it helps. It isolates you.
It takes away your ability to connect with others. And we humans need connection. Especially those of us with ADHD.
Having a community of other ADHDers can help you feel normal.
We all need to feel seen. And we all need to feel heard. We all need to feel like someone cares. Like we belong somewhere.
Once you start interacting with and sharing your experiences with others who have ADHD, you will see and understand that you’re not alone.
You will learn that others have the same challenges. They struggle in social situations, too. Or have difficulties with planning. They get distracted all the time. Or get really excited about things, then quickly lose interest.
It can help you see that you’re not alone and you’re not the only one with these challenges.
It’s okay! We all do it!
Being able to share your experiences with others like you, others with ADHD, allows you to learn and to grow. Sharing your experiences, and hearing what works and doesn’t work for others, gives you a chance to learn and experiment with new strategies or tools.
Meeting with others with ADHD also gives you a chance to show up and be yourself. No façade. Just show up as your honest, messy, disorganized, and lightening brained selves. No judgement. Just understanding and camaraderie.
It might be a scary concept for people with ADHD, to show up authentically. But it can be one of the most freeing things you do for yourself. Showing up and being completely yourself, without the pressure to be “normal” or fear of judgement. When you find the right group, they will accept you. Even understand you.
Reach out and join a community of others like you.
So where can you find others with ADHD? Find an ADHD support group, either virtual or local. There are many wonderful places to find support groups out there for people with ADHD.
My top three places to find ADHD support groups are listed below:
Meetup
There are multiple ADHD support groups on Meetup. Some meet in person, some are virtual.
I host the Successfully ADHD – Adult ADD/ADHD Support and Growth Group. This is a virtual group where adults with ADHD come together to share their experiences of living with ADHD. We talk, we laugh, share our challenges, and share our successes.
ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association)
ADDA has a number of virtual support groups. Here is the link to all of the virtual support groups they offer: ADDA Virtual Programs – ADDA – Attention Deficit Disorder Association.
CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
CHADD has affiliate groups around the US that meet in person. Here is the link to their affiliate-locator page to see if there’s one in your area: CHADD Affiliate Locator – Find a local ADHD support group in your area.
You are special. You are important. You deserve to let your unique light shine bright. Be you. Be proud. You are amazing. You just need to find a place that allows you to realize that.
I believe in you. Now it’s your turn to choose to believe in yourself.
You are capable of more than you can imagine.
You’ve got this.